I lost my sister this year, around the time when it would have been Carnival and there was instead "A Taste of Carnival". I'm still processing the loss but wanted to share this as it speaks of a big part of her and of me-our love for pan.I think anyone who reads this shares that love. Do enjoy and respect the copyright!
12th POEM FOR LISA
There was no Carnival this year
A blessing for me a curse for others
Carnival was your time
You loved the music, the colour, the shedding of identity
The happy abandonment of routine daily life
The music that stayed in your ears for days after the season had ended.
You left and once you returned
To nest in the land where you cracked the egg of life
You visited the panyards every year
Like one of the faithful on a pilgrimage
You reveled in every note, every repetition of the song played
Your delight was visible, palpable, contagious…
I shared that love with you as children, adolescents, women
That excitement and wonder
At the miracle of pan and steelband
And I made my own pilgrimage when I could.
On the last real Carnival two years ago
We met in a panyard, danced and continued our separate pilgrimages
And on the big night in the big yard
I, in the audience looked for you among the crowds
Pushing pan onto the stage
In an orderly chaos
I saw you helping the pans of our band to get there
To settle and begin to dazzle
That was your joy- the track, pushing pan onto the stage
One of so many who needed to do that
Like a mother rooting for her beloved child
My joy was the track, then the stands to listen and cheer.
To have a Carnival this year while you slowly expired
Would have been painful, unbearable, unthinkable for me
So I thank the stars for sparing me this year
Next year I will cope and dance one for you.
©Denise Haynes
March 22 2022
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